Illuminati

Y’all, Illuminati is old-school OG dressed in a conspiracy name. The cut that matters in the California market is a direct selection of Josh D’s 1996 Club 33 OG, which sits on the original OG Kush tree, so the nose is forest, fuel, and tar instead of candy. Broken open it gets sour and a touch citrus, which is where the Illemonati nickname comes from. The smoke is well-rounded: a clear, happy head high that slowly sinks into the shoulders and leaves y’all ready for the couch. Mary Janes regulars in Bakersfield who like real Kush structure over dessert terps will recognize this one on the first grind.

Illuminati keeps its story half hidden, which fits the name. The flower most folks mean when they ask for it is Illuminati OG, a rare indica-dominant hybrid around 70% indica and 30% sativa. Breeders and shops that actually hold the cut call it a clone-only phenotype of Josh D’s 1996 Club 33 OG. Club 33 is lore-heavy OG Kush, the West Coast bag that Josh D is credited with moving, and the parentage behind that original OG is still argued: Chemdawg, Hindu Kush, and a lemon-Thai lean show up in the family talk. A second Illuminati exists from Crop King Seeds as Tahoe OG crossed to MK Ultra. That one is heavier and more knockout. A boutique candy cut under the same name, Lemon Cherry Gelato backcross by Zkittlez, is a different plant entirely. If the jar smells like grape candy, it is not this review.

On the table the buds run dense and olive green, often heart-shaped or tight golf-ball spears, with amber-orange hairs and a thick trichome coat. Broken up, the room fills with fresh pine, rich soil, herbal spice, and that chemical tar-gas OG fans chase. Floral notes sit in the back. A lemon-peel or sour citrus edge shows once the nug is cracked, which is the Illemonati side of the profile. Dominant terps on labbed OG batches tend to land on myrcene, limonene, beta-caryophyllene, and pinene.

Taste follows the jar. First pull is pine resin and fuel. Mid-bowl brings earth, black pepper, and a tarry Kush bite. The exhale softens into a light floral sweetness with a sour, almost tropical hint if the batch is lemon-forward. It burns clean when it is cured right and leaves a pepper-herb coat on the tongue. Vapor pulls the citrus and conifer forward. A joint or bong lets the gas and spice take over.

The smoking experience starts above the eyes. A warm, euphoric lift, a little giggly, and oddly focused, the kind of high that has y’all staring at the ceiling and connecting dots that do not need connecting. Body weight comes in slow, tingly through the shoulders and legs, then heavier. By the back half most people are settled, hungry, and ready to sleep. It is not a racy sativa and it is not instant couch-lock either. Call it a two-stage evening smoke. Potency on licensed Illuminati OG batches commonly sits 20–27% THC, with plenty of jars labeled around 22–25% and the occasional outlier higher. CBD is basically absent.

Around Bakersfield and the rest of the Central Valley, Mary Janes shoppers should treat the name as a question, not a guarantee. Ask if it is the Club 33 cut. If the nose is pine, earth, and tar with a lemon wink, y’all found the one.